exploding testicle exploding testicle
The Insider's Guide to Malcocinado, Spain


Can a testicle really explode due to extreme sexual tension?

It was time to roll up my sleeves and do some serious journalistic research. I went to Google and typed in "exploding testicle", with the following results:

From a post by Nerd Hammer to the Comatorium Community forum
From CHUM limited
From w-files
From an anonymous post to cafepharma forum
From Las Vegas Weekly

Armed with this data and countless hours of laborious research, my study was inconclusive.


From a post by Nerd Hammer to The Comatorium Community forum

Post from "The Blue Spirals":


God I HATE scenefags.

Reply from "Nerd Hammer":

i remember when your testicle exploded, that was funny.

From CHUM limited


-The penis costume (which was borrowed from Planned Parenthood Waterloo Region) was damaged during the shoot. The beach ball that was inside the left testicle exploded when 'Penis' was doing the final "Body Urges" dance move.

From w-files

Martin was obsessed with Monica Lewinski. He carried her picture in his billfold and plastered his office cubicle with her likeness. His desire for the presidential aide, who became an instant celebrity when President Clinton admitted to having an affair with her, drove him to heavy drinking on New Year's Eve.

Walking through the streets of Milwaukee, visiting each bar he could find, Martin eventually decided on which bar he would choose to ring in the new year. Entering the tavern, Martin found he was just about as inebriated as the other patrons. After a few more drinks, he became delusional. A junoesque brunette entered the bar just as the bartender was counting down to the new year. Then, at the stroke of midnight, it happened!

Martin, who was watching the brunette enter, started shouting at her "Monica, Monica, over here, baby!" As the crowd counted down, Martin made his way toward the unsuspecting ersatz Miss Lewinski. Martin was so sexually excited and aroused that the unspeakable happened.

Martin's left testicle exploded! Somehow the exploding testicle set off a chain reaction that paramedics couldn't explain. The exploding testicle burst with such force that Martin was killed instantly!

The brunette fled immediately and could not be found for questioning.


From an anonymous post to a forum, title of the thread: 300,000 Illinois Residents to sue Merck

I took Vioxx and my testicle exploded during an orgy. I refuse to sue though.

From Las Vegas Weekly

“It is, unfortunately, only too clear that if the individual is not truly regenerated in spirit, society cannot be, either,” Carl Jung wrote 40 years ago in The Undiscovered Self. “For society is the sum total of individuals in need of redemption.” Jung’s observation suggests the importance of individual human dignity to the ongoing health of society. At a coffee shop on Maryland Parkway last week, Bob Thomas indirectly made the same case when he talked about how his right testicle exploded.

Not that his testicle actually exploded. But that’s how it felt—a burst of pain so intenst that it made him sick to his stomach.

That’s not the funny part.

The funny part is how, after an initial scan at a QuickCare, Thomas (not his real name) was told he’d have to wait two months to see a urologist—the sort of doctor who knows what’s broken down when a guy complains of an “exploded nut.” Which sounds like it could be serious, so why the long wait?

Because Thomas, a part-time retail worker, doesn’t have health insurance.

“Two months,” growled one of Thomas’ friends, also at the table. “By that time, you could be dead.”

Thomas puffs on his cigarette. “I’m not waiting till June.”

The thing is, without health insurance he’s got two choices: Wait until June or hit the Internet for information on self-surgery.

4 February, 2005


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